Blog from Ambassadrice Anna Smit
A gift from the universe.
It has now been a few weeks since I received that message: Anna, can I call you? My step-sister. Phew.
That's about my father.
I have not had contact with him for twelve years, nor with his stepdaughter and youngest daughter, so that message cannot contain cheerful news. Brain tumor. Crying on my bike to my mother, I stay stuck in a narrow street behind a thick red Audi with license plate D-AD If I wasn't crying already ..
And then the Jacksons also bet with I'll be there. Of course. I'll be there. I'll be there to protect you.
Even though he wasn't physically there to protect me. Even though I felt unsafe all my youth with a man who always stood with one leg outside the door. "I respect you with an unselfish love." Because he wanted to leave the world a little better. He sacrificed everything to expose the agricultural sector in the 1980s, to inform people about what is happening in the organic industry. He sailed with Greenpeace in the 1990s to combat whaling. During his documentation of AIDS orphans in Romania, he saw how those abandoned children lay on the bars of their bed without a blanket, and on his return to the Netherlands he collected three trucks full of blankets and mattresses and cuddly toys. That is also my father. And that's the part I'm proud of. Always been. In my own way, I am also committed to contributing.
Do I still eat vegetarian food, follow my vocation to support people in their power with the help of Yoga, stood on the Greek coast to bring children from boats to land and find it all my duty as a human being and doesn't want applause there in front of.
It is sad that he has been told that his life ends just a little faster than what he had bet on. That he has missed so many beautiful things in our lives is sad. We can't do anything about that anymore. But we can heal now. He can no longer flee, because his entire left side is paralyzed, which now also slightly forces him to receive the emotions. We cry a bit. Delicious!
He recognizes my sorrow of missing him and that heals instantly. Soon he will go to a place where he is well cared for, so that as a daughter I am only there to hold his hand, to talk about the past, about how his predictions of the world come true, about his granddaughter, that she looks so much like me. Of course I wondered if it would be good for me to do that while he was not there for me and I can say wholeheartedly: yes.
Yes, assisting him in the last period and closing his life is an ode to my life. My right to exist partly comes from him. My growth, my strength I developed thanks to and in spite of him. The loose ends are now a round story and I can close in love, so that I can give that very complicated book a nice place somewhere where I am not hesitant to pick it up occasionally.
What a gift from the universe.
Anna Smit Owner www.sukhayoga.nl
Instagram: anna_sukhayoga & sukhayoga_amsterdam